IF I WEREN'T LAZY

There are a few things that really, really bother me about my house. I mean, there are about a million thing that bother me, but most of them can only be fixed with the application of liberal sums of money, and considering I just had every last credit card removed from my wallet after Ted got the bills today, those changes are going to have to wait.

But there are several small jobs that I could do myself with just a few dollars (or even - gasp! - for free) and some actual physical labor. For example:

1. I hate (and I do mean hate) the color of the walls in William's room. I called an audible and changed the color at the last minute and have regretted it ever since I saw the first brush stroke applied. It's still a green, but instead of the interesting, slightly unusual green with some edge that I was planning to go with all along:

Benjamin Moore Georgian Green

which looks kind of muddy here but I promise is not in real life, I choked and went with a paler green that is probably perfectly nice in plenty of rooms all across the world, but which I absolutely cannot stand covering the walls of William's bedroom:

Benjamin Moore Kittery Green

It's so babyish and pastel-y and just...Ugh. Barf. And I have lived with it for coming up on three years now because I am too lazy and unmotivated to take one day out of my life and repaint the goddamn room. It would take one can of paint and a Saturday, and I can't seem to get off my fat ass to do it.

2. My office does not have a large filing system. In fact, it has just one file cabinet with two drawers that I purchased at Pottery Barn about a million years ago when I was a carefree, single lass whose biggest concern was getting to work with two of the same shoes on (I am not kidding, I actually showed up at the office one day with two completely different black boots on. Good times). Here it is, clearly having weathered the years a bit better than I:

Back then, a single filing cabinet was more than sufficient (what the fuck did I have to file, anyway? My take-out dinner receipts?), and the fact of the matter is it should still be more than sufficient. But I have gotten lazy about going through shit, and throwing away paper that has no business being in my house, let alone FILED, like it's all important or something. Sooooo, this has happened:

What's that? Oh, that, dear readers, is the stacks of shit that are currently gracing the chest of drawers in my dining room. THAT is the stuff that should be in the file cabinet in the office, because if there is one thing that drives me crazier than I already am, it's stacks of shit lying around my house. I can't take it. I think it's a holdover from growing up in a house with random stacks of shit EVERYWHERE, but I can't take it (my mother thinks I'm a neat freak with OCD. Which I am not). Want a better look? of course you do:

Just looking at these photos has got me reaching for the Xanax:

I mean, how long would it really take? A couple of hours? An afternoon? I could probably take care of it one evening when I got home from work instead of sitting around on Pinterest. But pinning photos of what you want your house to look like takes a lot less energy than doing any work to get your house to look like the photos you're pinning. You know what I mean? I know you do.

3. Speaking of Pinterest, here's a photo that you see quite often if you spend any time there at all:

Linen closet perfection, right? This is what I dream about at night, if I'm lucky. I mean, it doesn't look so hard. You fold the sheet set and put it into one of the pillowcases that goes with it. It's not rocket science. Yet (and I can't believe I am actually showing you) this is what MY linen closet looks like:

Which, although I guess things are folded...sort of...let's not kid ourselves, is pretty sad. And trust me, you don't want to get up in that business looking for a complete set of matching sheets. You'll end up with three different flat sheets, pillowcases that go with none of them, and a fitted crib sheet. I mean, those tan things aren't even bed-related. They're curtains, for fuck's sake! And the sari next to them? I don't know. Again, this would take, what? An hour, maybe, to fix? But somehow I never have the time.

So there you have my shame, the dirty secrets of my house that keep me awake at night but clearly don't bother me quite enough to actually DO anything about. Although I feel like this post could be the start of something new. I've motivated to write about it, after all. Who knows what could be next? Besides, you know how I feel about a good Before and After, and all three of these would be stellar in that regard. Well, maybe not the filing so much, but whatever. The other two would be awesome.

Wish me luck.

XOXOXO

ABC