MY BEDROOM IS SAD: MAKEOVER PREVIEW

I mean it. It's sad. If you saw it (and you're about to), you wouldn't wonder why I need so much prescription medicine to get through the day. If you woke up in this den of drab, you would be hitting up your pharmacy, too.

And it's my bedroom, which is supposed to be a haven, a beautiful escape, a restful place where one recuperates from the shitshow that is everyday life, and then rises, each morning, ready to kick ass and take names.

Perhaps I'm holding the bar a little high, but still. One's bedroom shouldn't be sad-making, at the very least. The fact of the matter is, even though we have been here for three years, I've concentrated most of my energy/money/time on the spaces that other people see. You know, cause I'm superficial like that and want you to think I have a fab house. Which I do, as long as you don't venture upstairs (or too far into the kitchen, or look too closely at the unfinished floors, or... But I digress.)

I was lucky enough to recently attend one of AB Chao's Design Camps, and one of the things you had to do was send her a few photos of a room in your house that needed help along with a little blurb about what you were looking for from the room.

So I sent in (27) photos of my bedroom. Complete with piles of dirty laundry on chairs, underwear on the floor, and an accompanying paragraph that included phrases such as "sexing up my Smoochie Bear," mostly because I did not realize that she was going to turn everyone's submissions into a power point demonstration and put my words up on the wall in front of a room full of fellow Design Campers, all lovely ladies that I was eager to impress. #ThanksABChao

The Camp was awesome and I highly recommend attending if she comes to your neck of the woods. It also motivated me to start Project: Master Bedroom Makeover.

This is what I'm working with:

Doesn't look too bad from here, sure. I mean, the mirrors are hung too high, and the pillow shams are not ironed, but WTF is the big deal? Well, this is one of the beauty shots. Here's another angle:

Now you can better appreciate the poo-colored paint job, the crack-house style curtain, and the lack of  anything hanging on the walls to detract from said poo color.  And it gets worse:

Here's the view from the bed - another crack-house curtain, random shit on top of the dressers, and an ugly green tray on my beloved mirrored vanity table. A closer look? Sure, why not:

What the fuck with that green tray? I don't know. And the giant jewelry box that basically has a "STEAL ME" sign on it for the burglars that come in one day through the never-locked front door. You also may have noticed that the walls shift color, depending on the light, so that they look like different shades of diarrhea depending on the hour or which lamps are on. Good times.

As for my vision? Let's have a gander:

Love: The Lamps, The Art Above The Bed, The Fat Duvet

Love: The Mirrors, The Headboard, The Wall Color

Love: The Vanity, The Fat Duvet, The Art Arrangement

Love: The Vanity, The Lamps, The Roman Shade

Love: The Bedding, The Lamp, The Art

Love: The Art Above The Bed, The Nightstands, The Fat Pillows

Other than the fact that I clearly have some sort of obsession with fat bedding, these photos all look pretty similar. And, I feel, not

too

far off from what I've got. What I'm thinking is first I repaint. The poo-colored walls will be a thing of the past, replaced with this:

It's Benjamin Moore Copley Gray, and it's actually a little darker than it looks above; here's another example:

I love it, and it loves me back. I'm very excited, because paint is affordable and the labor is free (well, free-ish. I'll have to listen to Ted complain about his back the whole time while he paints 1/10 of the room and watches me do the rest).

Next to go are the "window treatments." I'm replacing them with white roman shades from JC Penney (fuck off, they have nice stuff. OK, cheap stuff):

and I'll mount them on the outside, like in the photo, and high above the window. That's a very professional interior design tactic to make the windows seem bigger and the ceiling higher. It's used mainly by very professional interior designers (and everyone on Pinterest).

Also on its way out is the hideous (and I do mean hideous) overhead light/fan combination that was there when we moved in. I hate it so much and can't way to replace it with this from Home Depot

:

Totally unrelated, I am selling a lovely ceiling fan/light. Contact me if you're interested. 

We're also getting a new bed:

It's from Wayfair, and it's the "Pewter Velvet" fabric. I had them send me a sample so that I could make sure it didn't clash with the paint. I'm going to switch the mirrors and the framed paper art, so that the mirrors are over/behind the lamps and the two framed pieces are above the bed.

I got a lamp for the vanity ($19.99 at Target, what what?):

and am going to donate the green tray to my kids (they are perfect for Legos). I'd like to replace the awful wicker chair currently used with the vanity with something like this:

that can tuck under the table when not being sat on. But it's $80 (also from Target) and that's, like, expensive and shit for how I roll now. So we'll see. Because I also want a new rug. What's that? The disgusting relic from my 6 year old's nursery that has baby barf and marker stains all over it isn't doing it for me? No. No, it isn't. I want this:

from Rugs USA, and I'm willing to do what it takes to get it. I don't care if I never have another Venti Soy Latte (No Foam) every again, so help me God I will own this rug.

Don't get too excited. We are still brokity-broke, so whatever changes I make now will be the shit I can do fo' free (or close to it). The pricier items will have to be purchased over time, as I save up the cash money to afford them. This concept is new to me, and I am not a huge fan, but Tightwad Ted calls it "responsible spending" and says I have to learn how to do it.

It's a bit of a buzzkill, as of course I want to do everything now now now, but they say patience is a virtue and Lord knows I could use me some fucking virtue.

Besides, I have to finish up Client #7's living room by Thanksgiving. I also have several extremely important (real job) work projects that need to be completed before that, and then I'm hosting 20 people for Thanksgiving dinner. So, you know, it's not like I have nothing to do.

XOXOXO

ABC