No, no, not those kind of animal urges. Although if I listen to any more of the album Rapprocher by Class Actress before Ted gets home, I'm going to have to make out with the UPS man:
Go ahead, have a listen. Especially track number ten, Hangin' On. Ah, well, I'm "hangin' on" till Ted returns on Tuesday. But back to the animal urges I to which I was referring. Animal PRINTS. I'm late to the party on this one, I know, but I have been holding out. Why? Too out there, too aggressive, too attention-grabbing... Then I realized that I basically just described myself and gave in. Here's what I want:
 |
| Top Shop, $200 |
I mean, dalmatian print? It's Cruella de Ville, New Millennium style! As in, not real puppy fur, which is gross. Instead, it's faux and it's fabulous. Genius. But I am not limiting myself to black and white:
 |
| J. Crew, $200 |
This would look amazing with black tights and shoes and a very fitted dark brown turtleneck sweater. I'm not sure what the hell else I'd wear it with, but since I don't own it and probably never will, who gives a shit? Anyway, moving on:
 |
| J. Crew, $45 |
A scarf, on the other hand? Ultimately wearable. With almost anything. Love love love. An "accent piece," if you will. Another accent piece? Shoes:
 |
| Vince Camuto (Piper Lime), $90 |
I know what you're thinking. Those shoes are kind of cheap and those heels are awfully high - won't I look like a whore? First of all, they are on sale and used to be more expensive. And secondly, let's be honest - how long are we really going to be wearing animal prints? Who knows? Not me. So I'm not dropping $400 fucking dollars on a pair of leopard print shoes, thank you very much. And thirdly, the heel is only 3.5 inches which is practically a flat these days. So shut up. Whore.
But let's not be selfish and only think of oneself. There's also the house to consider:
 |
| Kyoozi (Etsy), $50 |
 |
| Jonathan Adler, $1K |
Yes, these are both black and white, but black and white goes with almost ANYTHING, and how the fuck do I know what your living room looks like? You could have no taste. In fact, since you are here, you very probably have no taste.
I leave you with the ultimate Animal:
Now go listen to Class Actress and make out with your mailman!
XOXOXO
ABC
